Man Utd and UK Digital Infrastructure: Time for Change!

Like Tottenham fans, both UK politicians and Manchester United FC have a problem accepting reality.

Photo by Javid Naderi on Unsplash

“Why are we so shit?”

That’s the question du jour from Manchester United fans everywhere, as the Red Devils languish in 13^th place in the Premier League (a spot traditionally belonging to my team, the mighty Crystal Palace Eagles – raaaark!).   But it’s also the same question that the U.K. should be asking about its national digital infrastructure which, just like Man U, currently brings great shame and ridicule upon all those associated with it.

Digital infrastructure is a challenge for other countries too, of course, but the UK has a unique differentiator: when our government “does digital” people die.

From the suicides caused by the inexcusable post office software debacle to the motorists crushed and immolated on Britain’s hard shoulder-less digital smart murderways, to the hundreds of NHS patients who die on waiting lists every year because of the failure of the £10 billion National Programme for IT, the U.K. is world no.1 in delivering taxpayer-funded digital death.

I see a direct parallel between the errors that have kept the U.K.’s digital infrastructure in the 1990’s and the mistakes that have relegated United from Champions of Europe in 1999 to middle-table mandem in 2024.

Here’s what needs to be fixed: 

Sometimes you have to let a player go

People think Man U started going downhill when Fergie left but it was actually when Paul Pogba arrived. He was both a problem and French, and yet he managed to hang out earning £290,000 per week for five years.

Fujitsu is the UK government’s Pogba. Despite being the company that delivered the code that precipitated the worst miscarriage of justice in the history of the British criminal justice system, the Post Office has paid Fujitsu over £95 million to extend the use of its software, begging the question: exactly how bad would a product have to be before they decided not to buy it?

Eliminate short termism

Both Manchester United and the UK government like to spend money without any coherent long-term strategy.

United’s owners splurge on elite players (and Andreas Pereira). HMG spaffs tax-payer money on consumer broadband. In both cases, the short-term goal is to keep the punters happy, but spending £60 million on Casemiro delights no one and, similarly, UK voters won’t care how fast they can stream Love Island if the economy collapses because the U.K. completely misses the next digital industrial revolution (AKA Industry 4.0).

What both organizations need is a plan with clear, practical objectives, outlined in a staged manner with specific steps.

Stop passing the ball to shit players

Scene: It’s a penalty against Germany. Who are you picking to take it? Stuart Pearce? Of course not, that would be ridiculous - but no more so than the UK government choosing Balfour Beatty and Costain to build its digital motorways. If I want my driveway resurfaced, I call the Boys from the Blackstuff. If I want to add digital infrastructure to a highway I gissthatjob to Ericsson, Nokia, or Huawei. Obviously.  

Get the right management/ownership

It’s a tale as old as football itself: You wanted José Mourinho, you got Alan Pardew.

In United’s case it’s a Glaser problem. (And honestly, what do you expect when you have one of the lads from Starsky & Hutch running the most famous footie franchise in the world? Seriously, the guy must be, like, 80 now).

I hoped the new Labour government might reverse Tory policy on taking all the money for infrastructure and spending it on illegal piss-ups and their mate’s non-existent PPE, but Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer has already biffed it by partnering with a thoroughly reprehensible private equity firm to build an AI factory in the north of England and taking bungs from the likes of Marks & Sparks and John Lewis. Oh dear.

Man U’s fans don’t pick their owners. What’s the UK electorate’s excuse?

Like Tottenham fans, both UK politicians and Manchester United FC have a problem accepting reality. Fact: the recent history of both organizations is one of mismanagement and misplaced priorities. Only by fixing these problems will either of them have a shot at competing in Europe.